I am having a hard time focusing this week and I don't really have much to share with you, not that there is not a lot to share, but because nothing is as important as working toward racial and social justice and I feel helpless.

Eradicating racism requires an immense amount of work and a reality check for many people. Racism supports a lot of institutions that our country depends on and defends to the death, like capitalism, private land ownership, the prison and military industrial complex, and private health care.

We need radical changes to eradicate racism. 

It is very cool to see so many people and businesses speak up about Black Lives Matter, but so few are sharing what they are doing to make this radical change. And when they do, it is incredibly insufficient. 

The Black Panthers, in 1966, laid out in their Ten-Point Program pretty clear and reasonable steps that would allow Black people to determine their own destiny. Fifty years later, we are asking for the same things. And we are still called radical.

On one hand, this is inspiring because there seems to finally be acknowledgement by the mainstream that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. On the other hand, where have these people been? Why is it news that people of color are not treated equally in the USA and that serious changes need to happen to fix it?

I tried to do what we are supposed to be able to do in America -- determine our own destiny, build our own wealth, and own our own land. Following the rules (going to a good school, working hard, working up the ladder) did not work out for me. I am not abnormal. I am actually considered pretty exceptional by all past employers, yet the pay and promotions have never actually backed the praise. I was even fired from one job after being promised a promotion.

One of the main reasons that I started my own business is because it is my best chance at building my own wealth (we still need money to change the system and that is what I aim to do). I've worked in tech, marketing, and real estate. I was often the only woman of color in the room, including at my most recent job, which was my dream job -- Placemaking Manager at Vornado, a real estate investment trust. 

Vornado was, surprisingly, one of the few places I've worked where I did not experience racism and sexism, that is until we went through a spin/merge with another company and management changed. 

Very quickly, I saw the writing on the wall. I would not succeed. Women and people of color did not rise in that company. They were not taken seriously nor given the kind of budgets and authority that their white, male counterparts were given. I was not going to spend the next decade of my life trying and failing. I knew I had to do something different if I wanted to make my time on this earth count. 

I am not alone. My friend Aerica also tried to change from within  -- at Pinterest. She did not succeed. You can read her story here. 

Art will not save us, but it does save me. Art is my therapy. I turn to it especially now, with the pain of looking back at my short career and thinking about all that could have been. I think about all the white men who I've worked with who have gotten other opportunities, who have been able to take certain risks, who have gotten funding and special favors, who have told me what I can and cannot do.

I am not angry, I am grieving. 

I am grieving for all the women and people of color who have dealt with much, much worse.

And I know this is where I'm supposed to tell you where to donate and what you can do because you probably want to do something. 

But this is so much bigger than donating here and there. We need to make radical changes. All I can say is to read the Ten-Point Program and think about what can actually make those happen. Then do that. 

--Stephanie